Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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