The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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