Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
