well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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