She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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