Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
