The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
