I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
