i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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