Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
