Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
