I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
