why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
