i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
