They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
