i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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