did you get engaged???
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
