Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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