Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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