Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
