So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
