I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
