And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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