im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
