We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
