I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
