she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
