oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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