She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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