we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
