How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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