That's when you crack a 10am beer
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
