i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
