there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
