you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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