oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
