He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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