Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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