I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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