My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
