u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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