are you still at the devil's house?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
