So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
