yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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