i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
