I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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