the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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