I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
