maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
