A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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