OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
