if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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