Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
too bad you live with your parents still
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
