why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
