You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
