Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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