Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We need a shit load of segways right now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
