It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
