How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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