he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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