I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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