so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's just like the Real World with babies
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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