a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
