My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
