just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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