i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
