And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
