coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
im on a boat
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