Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
