The maid of honor just puked.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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