you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
