I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
