Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
