WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
